Some people may have noticed that I have unfollowed a great number of people on IG recently. I know that for some being unfollowed is like being unfriended, and can feel like rejection. I want to assure anyone feeling that way that I have not unfollowed anyone due to personal feelings of dislike, but due to a overall downsizing of my use of social media.
At the tail end of December I deactivated my facebook, and now I’d like to concentrate on maximizing my instagram feed to focus on people I know personally, and interests that are more mentally healthy. Both on my personal feed and my photography account (@theandreaborden), I followed thousands of photographers and artists, many of whose work I enjoyed seeing and helped hone my eye. I loved being able to see the gorgeous and inspiring images from my fellow creatives and being connected to those people lead to some great networks. While those outlets enriched my creative world and always left me feeling inspired, I have decided to unplug largely from those groups for the time being.
For a couple of years now I have re-thinking photography as my primary pursuit, and in fact have been wanting to sell my equipment for a while. I’ve chosen to not do that because of a couple of projects I’d still like to do, but in the meantime unplugging from the social media side of things has been a priority for me. After over a decade of participating in the photography community, I’m coming to terms with the constant feeling I’ve always had of not belonging there. I’ve been published, I’ve produced collaborative shoots, I’ve gone to meetups and cherished friendships with other photographers, but all the while I’ve never been fully in “the industry”. I’ve been deliberately and unabashedly copied, and I’ve had my joy and love of creative work stolen by people who felt entitled to the concepts I produced, but most of all, I don’t feel like I fit into photography communities anymore, and photographing has ceased to give me joy. The phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” has always been sort of a misnomer for me– I actually think comparison is what pushes us as artists, what inspires us to be better, what informs our eye, and is a valuable measuring stick of skills and technique.
The real thief of joy for me is the desire to impress or belong. I’ve always had one foot in the photography world and one foot out, because I work a full time job, and I don’t have clients. For the last couple of years my shoots mostly have been to keep a portfolio updated or small portrait gigs here or there, but nothing steady, and I feel like there is no place for a hobbyist like me in the world of competition for the most bohochic clients, delicate wardrobes and exclusive locations.
After years of putting in my heart and soul into photography and the communities I was a part of, there’s been an imbalance that leaves me feeling empty, jealous, bitter, and lonely. That’s not healthy. I found myself sitting in an attitude of “but what about me?” every time I saw the community embrace one of their own who was hurting, and that’s definitely not healthy. In recognizing that I put too much stock in the idea of belonging to an internet community that isn’t designed to be my personal therapy dog, I have decided to take a step back and reevaluate what gives me joy. Photography still gives me joy (at least I hope) when I am photographing for selfless reasons, like volunteering at animal rescues, and I intend to get back into that when I find a good fit with my schedule.
With all of that emotional vomit being said, that’s why I am cutting back on my consumption of communities and feeds that subtract from my well being. As a result I get to see more of my friends in my feed, and more of the important things that matter to me. I probably won’t be updating my photography account for a while. I probably will continue to post photos of my cats, knitting, flowers, gardening, and homecrafts that give me joy.